I started writing an annual post about life lessons on my birthday when I was twenty, which means this year makes a decade of writing these posts!
I went back and read the first life lessons post I wrote, and it was pretty spot on, including the fact that I say “you are only in control of you” and predict that this is something I will always be working on (yes, I am in fact still working on this).
Last year I was fixated on time and making the most of each minute, whether that was for productivity or rest. I took some practical steps to create a better relationship with time (check out this post about time management) and I worked on my mindset overall.
At thirty, my focus is on being calm and confident.
Calm
Being a parent has put me into situations that can escalate quickly. When a baby is crying and you’re trying to communicate with a partner and you’re trying to regulate your own reaction all at once, it can be a lot.
Being a professional has put me into situations that can escalate quickly. When your team is faced with a challenge or your customer is unhappy with a proposal, it can be a lot.
Being a human has put me into situations that can escalate quickly. When you’re having trouble communicating with others and you’re unsure of how a process works, it can be a lot.
All this to say, that it isn’t always the most easy or natural state to be calm. Over the last year I’ve done a lot of work on my mindset and have found that daily mediation (this is my go to guided mediation), frequent reflection (for me, it’s journaling), and bringing myself back to the present moment has been key.
I used to struggle with the concept of “the present moment.” I thought it was all about focusing on your breathing or having a completely blank mind. What I’ve found for me is that it’s most effective to ask myself
“What is actually happening in this moment?”
This helps me realize that usually nothing bad is going on and it’s just my thoughts about the future or the past that are causing distress. To take it a step further, I then try and reframe the thoughts to be more helpful and positive or, if I can’t manage that, I move on from the thought and feel comforted by the fact that nothing bad is actively going on (and when bad things are going on, I try and recognize that it is temporary).
Confident
I was confident in my twenties, but I’ve gotten to a new level of confidence I didn’t even realize I would reach within the last nine to twelve months. Since returning to work after having my baby I’ve been able to handle situations (professionally and personally) with more compassion and calm and confidence than ever before.
I attribute this primarily to life experience and perspective. Just by virtue of getting older, I’ve gone through situations that I can look back on and apply to challenges that come my way. Now instead of blindly believing that everything will be alright, I have historical evidence that it will be. And I’ve built my personal confidence on this foundation.
I still repeat to myself daily (and often multiple times a day) to be calm and confident, and when I say that to myself I know what it looks like to embody these traits. Having a sticky note with those words on my desk doesn’t hurt either.
What are the lessons that you’ve learned in the last year? What has turning thirty meant for you?
Leave a Reply